This is the second phase of third grouped abusers’ second account. I was a little girl, when my abuser has removed his pants before me. I said, “I don’t understand what you’re doing.”, as he laid me down on the mattress, pushed up my clothing to my upper chest and started licking my flat breasts for a very long time. He was wetting me.

As he was violating me sexually, I started to dissociate into my safe hiding place in my mind instinctively, to detach from the pain that he has inflicted upon me. He then removed my white undies and inserted his penis to slowly penetrate me. Up to these days, I have an intense fear of bathing and afraid of being touched, because it is so triggering, re-traumatizing and feels like it is a re-enactment of the unspeakable and extremely sadistic abuse. I have deep-seated mistrust even in the nicest looking people, as a result, and feel unsafe everywhere I go, being hyper-vigilant, staying in high alert at all times and was experiencing uninvited panic attacks.