This is the record of the second phase, involving the first grouped abusers, of their second account. The flashbacks were so extreme, I had trouble to process it, despite I knew the techniques of how to calm myself down. Sometimes, I wished to know more about my dissociated traumatic memories, but my back system is holding it up, to maintain my sanity. I believe this is right.

I was again looking down completely, touching the chest, cuddling my other upper arm tightly, with both of my legs bent sideways, crying, wetting my own clothing with a flood of tears, was when my abuser came and strip me naked violently. He was whipping my whole body, scarring me and I was bleeding, then he started to rape me aggressively, in a dog position.

As he was penetrating my genital, I cried to him, “you’re hurting me”, but he was still continuing to rape me, even more rapidly. I cried again saying, “you’re hurting me”, in a very traumatized tone. He then responded me, “You never felt love before, so I’m showing you what it means to be loved.” In the midst of the hurt, I felt utter confusion and shame, when I felt sexual arousal repeatedly, during the forced rape.