I have been through chronic extensive abuse at the hands of my two main abusers. Deaths and bloodshed have been a commonplace, but I have survived alive, when they have murdered me. I was scarred all over my body in complete disfigurement and the daily rape and molestation has resulted me bleeding into a pool of blood. I was placed into lock down, starved, bound and most of my trauma was under blind rape episodes. My survival there was very complex, that I have not put into details yet.

The flashbacks of my trauma history were slowly revived ever since March 2016. There are four stages of the suicidality spectrum. The first is suicidal thoughts, such as, “I want to die”, but without thinking as to using what method to do so. The second is suicidal ideations, which is furthering the methods, as to how to kill myself. The third is suicide plan, which is categorized as high risk and imminent danger, as at this stage, it consists a clear dated plan. The fourth is suicide attempt.

I have committed suicide thrice and have survived all of the multiple suicide attempts, which were done altogether once on July 7, 2019 and twice on July 14, 2019. The first was hanging by a power cord, the second was bloodbath and third was overdosing myself. I have done so, due to the flashbacks were too overwhelming, over the years spanned between 2016-2019, despite with the support of psychotherapy, hospitalization and psychiatric medication and that even the psychiatric intensive care unit, P-ICU could not control me.